The Hole in My Heart.
I can’t seem to stop the bleeding
and tears that I shed to keep you from leaving
In my eyes and heart, you were my world, my universe
Without you, how do I function in the way that was once normal to me?
My schedule now in shambles
No more late night runs to our, once favorite, local restaurant for tenders and drinks
Solo car rides, and walks through the neighborhood
Making more food than necessary, forgetting that it’s only me
The bedroom is now the loneliest space in the house, I sleep on the couch to avoid feeling
the feelings that come from missing your touch
Random memories of conversation that we’ve had on if we’d remain if we had lost an arm or leg
How we wouldn’t be able to live on if the other had been found dead
Look where we stand now..
As if we’re nonexistent
As if “we” never was
A piece is missing from my puzzle
There is a hole in my heart, and I cannot shake this feeling
The emotion spills into my interactions with others, as they can feel the pain
They see it on my face as hard as I try to hide..
The lack of enthusiasm now received when they mention few of my favorite things
It’s so unlike me, they say..
They suggest dating, but I feel that I currently do not have the emotional capacity to build with another
Maybe I’ll get a cat for emotional support
They say the best thing to do with a hole is to refill it with something else
that it could even be multiple people
So I eventually give into the idea of dating
Fortunately, I run into people that are actually interested in getting to know me
Who I am..
the way that I feel about the world..
We share similarities
the differences keep me interested as well
They teach me things about myself, and vice versa
Plenty of good moments to ease the pain
As others have also experienced this unfortunate loss
But now I consider how unfortunate it actually is..
I continue to indulge in this “single life”, and build a “roster”, as many would say
I just enjoy the company
I have a date with one on Monday, and another on Thursday
I have phone conversation with others at different times of the week
This seems to occupy my mind a lot more than sitting in my sorrow
Honestly, you do cross my mind here and there
But my heart awaits tomorrow
For new discoveries of myself and others
a most necessary journey while I slowly recover
I do wish that you were here to accompany me at times
But that would eliminate the need to learn myself
Had you stayed, I would’ve never felt the need to learn to stand on my own
To feel complete on my own
The hole in my heart will be filled as I grow
A short story of a man, damaged by his past, that is unable to reciprocate to a loving partner