The Hole in My Heart.

Photo by Pierre Bamin on Unsplash

I can’t seem to stop the bleeding

and tears that I shed to keep you from leaving

In my eyes and heart, you were my world, my universe

Without you, how do I function in the way that was once normal to me?

My schedule now in shambles

No more late night runs to our, once favorite, local restaurant for tenders and drinks

Solo car rides, and walks through the neighborhood

Making more food than necessary, forgetting that it’s only me

The bedroom is now the loneliest space in the house, I sleep on the couch to avoid feeling

the feelings that come from missing your touch

Random memories of conversation that we’ve had on if we’d remain if we had lost an arm or leg

How we wouldn’t be able to live on if the other had been found dead

Look where we stand now..

As if we’re nonexistent

As if “we” never was

A piece is missing from my puzzle

There is a hole in my heart, and I cannot shake this feeling

The emotion spills into my interactions with others, as they can feel the pain

They see it on my face as hard as I try to hide..

The lack of enthusiasm now received when they mention few of my favorite things

It’s so unlike me, they say..

They suggest dating, but I feel that I currently do not have the emotional capacity to build with another

Maybe I’ll get a cat for emotional support

They say the best thing to do with a hole is to refill it with something else

Someone else…

that it could even be multiple people

So I eventually give into the idea of dating

Fortunately, I run into people that are actually interested in getting to know me

Who I am..

My story..

the way that I feel about the world..

We share similarities

the differences keep me interested as well

They teach me things about myself, and vice versa

Plenty of good moments to ease the pain

As others have also experienced this unfortunate loss

But now I consider how unfortunate it actually is..

I continue to indulge in this “single life”, and build a “roster”, as many would say

I just enjoy the company

I have a date with one on Monday, and another on Thursday

I have phone conversation with others at different times of the week

This seems to occupy my mind a lot more than sitting in my sorrow

Honestly, you do cross my mind here and there

But my heart awaits tomorrow

For new discoveries of myself and others

a most necessary journey while I slowly recover

I do wish that you were here to accompany me at times

But that would eliminate the need to learn myself

Had you stayed, I would’ve never felt the need to learn to stand on my own

To feel complete on my own

The hole in my heart will be filled as I grow

--

--

Shawn Newsome. | My stories are a combination of my life’s experiences, the experiences of others, and the things that come to mind.

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Love.

Love.

Shawn Newsome. | My stories are a combination of my life’s experiences, the experiences of others, and the things that come to mind.